This post was updated on Nov 29, 2022
Marriage separation is a tough decision to make, and it can be even tougher to follow through with it. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to split up, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves in this situation, struggling to determine whether or not heading toward divorce is the best option.
There are many factors that go into making the decision to separate or divorce. If you and your spouse are unable to agree on key issues, there are challenges that you are unable to overcome together, and you don’t find your relationship fulfilling, separating may be the best solution for the both of you.
Know this, if there is still a certain level of love and respect between you and your partner, it may be possible to work things out.
Can A Separation Save A Marriage?
Sometimes, a separation can provide much-needed time and space for reflection and growth. If both partners are willing to work on communication and rebuilding trust, there’s a good chance that the marriage can be saved. If it uncovers some unhealthy patterns of feeling and behavior from each side, it can show room for improvement.
However, if there is no willingness to work on the relationship, a separation is unlikely to make any difference. In some cases, a separation can actually do more harm than good. If there is already a great deal of animosity between the spouses, living apart may aggravate the situation because issues like custody and visitation rights often lead to conflict.
There are certain things to consider before separatingThey’ll help you figure out if there’s still hope for the relationship:
- Were there bitter arguments before you separated?
- Was there a history of jealousy, affairs, or physical confrontation?
- Have you ignored or neglected the signs of emotional detachment?
- Has the situation become difficult for your children and family?
What Does A Healthy Separation Look Like?
A healthy separation is one in which both parties are able to take the time they need to heal and move on. It’s important to have realistic expectations about what a separation can achieve; in many cases, it won’t be possible to completely eliminate all contact or communication, or put the pieces of your relationship back together.
However, it’s possible to create healthy boundaries that allow both parties to move forward. This may involve limiting contact to certain times or places, or establishing rules about what topics can be discussed.
By respecting each other’s need for space and taking the time to heal, it’s possible to create a healthy separation that provides a foundation for moving on or getting back together.
What Is The First Thing To Do When Separating?
Separating from your spouse is a difficult and emotionally tumultuous process. You may be feeling a range of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and relief.
Here are some of the issues to take care of when you enter the process:
- Get a lawyer: One of the first things to do when separating is to consult with a lawyer. They can provide you with information about your legal rights and obligations in case you decide to pursue a divorce, and can help you navigate the process.
- Agree to a communication plan: Get a plan in place – one that you both will respect – so you are aware of the amount of times and topics that require you to be in contact with one another.
- Relationship coaching: You can also consider seeking out help from a professional, as this can be a helpful way to deal with the emotional fallout of separation.
- Make sure you have a support network: It’s important to take care of yourself during this time and to reach out to friends and family for support.
How Long Does The Average Separation Last?
The average separation lasts anywhere from a few months to several years. It often depends on the circumstances surrounding the separation, such as whether or not there are children involved.
The length of the separation also varies depending on how well the couple is able to communicate and work together. If you do decide to make the decision final, the goal is to reach a point where both parties feel comfortable with the arrangement and are able to co-parent effectively.
How Often Do Couples Reconcile After A Separation?
Couples reconcile after separation for different reasons and the rate of reconciliation varies. Some studies suggest that as many as 50% of couples who separated ultimately reconcile.
There are many factors that contribute to whether or not a couple reconciles. These include the length of the separation, the circumstances that led to the separation, the level of conflict in the relationship, and whether or not there is still love and respect between the partners.
Couples who have only been separated for a short time are more likely to reconcile than those who have been apart for longer. Couples who have separated due to circumstances beyond their control, such as job loss or illness, are also more likely to get back together. By the same token, if there was cheating and repeated patterns of abuse, it’s less likely that the relationship will recuperate.
In general, couples who are able to work through their issues and communicate effectively are more likely to reconcile than those who cannot. Ultimately, every couple is different and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to whether or not they will reconcile after separating.
However, understanding the factors that contribute to reconciliation can help couples make a decision that’s right for them.
Can A Relationship Coach Help Me Deal With Separation?
Men and women who are recovering from a traumatic divorce or separation don’t have to go through this experience on their own. Here at PIVOT, a team of experienced and compassionate coaches can help you through individual retreat programs to overcome the trauma of a failing marriage, and tackle other underlying issues. Married couples are welcome at our Glass House to attend intensive workshops to mitigate tension in their relationship, away from everyday distractions. Give us a call today and we’ll gladly discuss all the details and how we can accommodate you.