This post was updated on Nov 29, 2022
You’re in a relationship. You’re feeling good about it. You love your partner. Your partner loves you back. You know each other well. You talk, your partner listens. Your partner talks, you listen back. You’re cozy. And it’s easy. And there are no challenges or outbursts. There’s love. Or at least you think and know there is. You’re just not feeling it in the same way you used to.
It’s almost as if love has been replaced with comfort, convenience, and security. You feel pleasant, however not great. There’s a fleeting sense, a brief moment when you feel something’s off and then it passes, and you’re back to the warm bliss of the familiar. You block off potential problems in your relationship and postpone the need to improve intimacy in a relationship.
And you feel good again ignoring that voice in the back of your mind that craves a bit more fireworks. You’re taking your love life for granted and you seem to be enjoying it. However, falling prey to this kind of complacency in a relationship can end up being the very bane that brings havoc where there was harmony. Putting a stop to it is an important mission that will breathe new life into your relationship. How to do it? Begin with the basics.
What Is Relationship Complacency?
There’s a lot we hear about relationships and the different stages, issues, and problems. We all know about the honeymoon period, how you can make it last, and what to do when it inevitably ends. Or the seven-year itch that can occur in even the most loving of relationships and marriages. However, what about complacency?
Is complacency not a problem? Does it really affect relationships negatively and can being comfortable and complacent really cause such harm to both you and your relationship?
It is, especially because complacency is often mistaken for comfort. Being comfortable with your significant other is great. Being complacent is not that great. Complacency means gradually slipping into a false and often toxic comfort zone that prevents both you and your partner from enhancing your relationship, improving your communication, and taking each other for granted.
Complacency comes in various forms, as do relationships. All couples are different and all couples that experience relationship complacency experience it in different ways. However, there’s one common line that defines complacency – putting less and less effort into your relationship and paying less and less attention to each other.
What Are The Signs Of Complacency In A Relationship?
Still, complacency seems like simply a relationship that’s entered a bit of a rut. That’s easy enough to resolve, isn’t it? Well, yes and no. A rut requires a bit of action, adding a bit of dynamicity into your daily life, and stepping outside your comfort zone to engage in activities both you and your partner will enjoy.
Complacency is more serious than rut. It breeds passivity and can provoke a wide range of increasingly negative feelings and harmful relationship traits that can lead to more significant problems.
This makes it really important to recognize the signs of complacency on time. You need to react before it roots itself within your relationship and starts causing problems that will only get tougher and tougher to deal with down the line. Some of the most common telltale signs of relationship complacency are:
- Feelings of restlessness and boredom in the relationship and toward your partner
- Lack of attention between you and your partner
- Either experiencing or handing out criticism on a regular basis
- Neglecting your own wellbeing and self-care
- Experiencing a constant decline in your intimate activities
- Fantasizing about others
- Resorting to routine i-love-yous
- Not organizing date nights like before
- You and your partner not sharing individual experiences
- You feel more and more distant from your partner
- There is a significant lack of communication
How Do You Overcome Relationship Complacency?
It’s easy to see why relationship complacency is a lot more serious than it seems and than people give it credit. In fact, complacency can often serve as the building block for numerous issues down the line if you and your partner decide not to work on it together. However, working on it can often be difficult and demanding.
And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Just because your relationship requires work doesn’t mean there’s no love, affection, care, and dedication. It takes guts and strength to recognize that your relationship has become complacent and to talk with your partner about it. From there, you can try to tackle that complacency by doing the following:
- Adopt a new mindset that realizes and recognizes that relationships require active effort.
- Compliment and take notice of each other.
- Set ample alone time for just the two of you.
- Try to shake up your daily routine.
- Be honest with yourself and with your partner.
- Become more curious about your partner.
- Work on your physical intimacy.
- Set clear goals for your relationship.
- Explore new activities you can do together.
- Go your separate ways for a day and then tell each other all about it.
- Create a love map of your relationship that explains your dreams, hobbies, fears, and other traits you and your partner find important.
- Practice empathy together with your partner.
- Hold hands and hug each other.
- Try to put your phones away and just enjoy each other’s company.
PIVOT Helps Improve Intimacy In Your Relationship By Resolving Intimacy Problems & Complacency
Falling into the trap of relationship complacency is easy and more common than you think. However, detecting the reasons behind your complacent relation with your partner and working to resolve your issues can be difficult and can lead you to question how strong you are and cause unwanted pressure within your relationship.
We’re not gonna lie – dealing with any problem within your relationship, even one as seemingly small and easy-to-resolve as complacency is tough. It’s hard for you and your partner to look yourselves in the eye, admit problems, and start taking them head on. However, with healthy communication and real effort, everything’s manageable. At PIVOT, we know just how difficult it can be for both individuals and couples to end their complacent period and get back on their dynamic feet. That is why we’ve envisioned both specialized individual workshops for invigorating your life and couple workshops for helping you find the spark in your relationship again. Reach out to us today!