This post was updated on Mar 15, 2023
Being in a thriving relationship doesn’t only come down to finding a compatible partner. Relationships can become complicated by other people around you, including your friend group.
Most people feel an intense kinship to their friends and trust them without reservation. So, what happens if your friends don’t like your partner or your partner doesn’t want to give your friends a chance?
Learn how to overcome intimacy problems in relationships that stem from the disconnect between you and your partner’s friends. You’ll discover how to act when your partner’s friends don’t accept you, and when your partner doesn’t want you to get close to their friends.
Is It OK To Become Friends With Your Partner’s Friends?
Yes, this is absolutely normal. It’s inevitable that you’ll meet their friends as your relationship progresses and this may lead to developing friendships with them in your own right.
If your partner is opposed to you getting closer to their friends, this may be a cause for concern. It’s important to understand why they feel this way. It’s best to discuss this openly and respectfully so you can find a healthy and balanced solution to this disagreement. There may be different reasons, such as:
- They’re jealous of you taking over their friend group.
- They’re afraid of one of their friends developing romantic feelings for you.
- They worry that you may find out something about them that they aren’t willing to share.
- They could be acting differently when they’re with friends and when they’re with you.
- They may be unsure of where your relationship is going and they don’t want it to affect their friendships.
Whatever the reason, it’s something that has to be addressed and resolved so that you can have an honest, fulfilling relationship going forward.
Do You Have To Be Friends With Your Partner’s Friends?
While people often do get rather close to some of their longtime partner’s friends, this is in no way necessary. However, most people want to be able to bring their friends and partner into the same social group from time to time. So, even if you aren’t close to their friends, it’s important to still be cordial to them.
If your partner is pressuring you into socializing with their friends more than you’d like to, it’s best to have a heart-to-heart with them. Tell them honestly why you don’t feel comfortable hanging out with them that intensively and try to find a middle ground.
What Do You Do If You Don’t Like Your Partner’s Friends?
You can’t get along with all the same people as your partner. This is perfectly normal and not a cause for concern. However, it wouldn’t be fair to expect your partner to end their friendships just because of your sentiments. Giving ultimatums isn’t a good idea because it antagonizes the other person. You need to be careful about making them feel like they’re choosing between you and their friends.
You can let them know that you’d rather spend some time apart and hang out with your friends while they spend time with theirs. It’s best if you’re upfront about it without insulting or judging their friends. Explain that you respect their friendships, yet don’t necessarily wish to be friends with the same people. An understanding partner will accept this and try to make it work.
What To Do When Your Partner’s Friends Don’t Like You?
Getting to know that your partner’s friends dislike you may be disappointing and disheartening. However, this doesn’t have to affect your relationship. Here are a few things that you can do to make the situation better:
- Try to put yourself in their shoes: Try to understand what it is that makes them distrustful of you. For example, many people are jealous of their friends when they get into a new relationship and start spending more time with their partner. They may only need more time to adjust to and accept the change in their friend’s life.
- Focus on the things you share: Identify the shared interests you have in common and try to bond over it. Showing a gesture of goodwill could go a long way and they may warm up to you more quickly. However, don’t push it if you see it’s not working. You don’t have to be friends with each other as long as you’re civil.
- Stay respectful: Try not to start arguments with your partner’s friends even if they’re unpleasant to you. Remember that they don’t know you well anyway, so their dislike for you is probably down to some unresolved problems they have, like jealousy or insecurity.
- Don’t invest too much effort into it: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go. If you can see that things aren’t working out, it may be for the best. If you’ve done your best to be amicable and they’re not playing along, it may be best to accept it and move on.
How Do I Stop Being Jealous Of My Partner’s Friends?
Your partner’s friends are a big part of their life and being jealous of them can cause strain in your relationship. While you may want your partner to dedicate all of their time to you, this wouldn’t be healthy. If you feel like they’re neglecting you because of their friends, you need to talk to them about it. Let them know how it makes you feel and see how you could resolve the issue.
Where Can I Find A Relationship Coaching Retreat For Reconnection?
If you and your partner have had a disagreement about your relationship with their friends, don’t worry. Our couples workshops help you work through issues such as this one. We can also support you through a difficult breakup or help you decide if it’s the right time to get married.
You can also enter our expertise-based individual coaching programs to find out how to establish a new relationship after a breakup, find a way to stop being attracted to unattainable people, or get over someone who ghosted you. Reach out to us to acquire new skills and improve your life!