This post was updated on Nov 29, 2022
OK, so you’ve been in a relationship for some time. There comes a point when you or your partner start thinking about taking the next step. When this happens, you’re either ready or you’re not. And, that is true for your partner too.
Commitment in a relationship comes in many forms. The meaning of commitment is hopefully discussed prior to committing to a partner! Some people want long term marriage, others do not want to get married, and the list goes on.
This blog is about transitioning into marriage when both partners initially say they want marriage however may be reluctant now that the relationship has progressed.
If you truly love your partner and you’re certain of it, a relationship coaching retreat for a couple can help you understand what that block is.
How Long Am I Supposed To Date Before Marriage?
The readiness for marriage is different for most people. Trust has alot to do with it. Trusting your own decisions, trusting love, and trusting that this is your person. For some couples, a year is enough to realize their unequivocal commitment to each other. For others, it could be half a year and they’re off to get married, only to spend many years of happiness together.
However, there are also couples and people who may take a little while longer to decide to tie the knot and make the vow to spend the rest of their lives with another person. And that’s perfectly reasonable as well. We’re all different and we all operate in different rhythms.
However, deciding to get married requires both you and your partner to get to know yourselves on a deeper level. Both independently and together. How do your past experiences inform your views on relationships? Do your wants and needs line up?
Finally, it could be a good idea to wait until your relationship exits your “romantic” phase and transitions into your real-world chapter. This is when true love and commitment form and when you begin to understand whether you really love someone with your whole being and want to spend the entirety of your life with them.
How Do I Know If I’m Ready For Marriage?
The truth is that people who step into marriage and have healthy, lasting, experiences know one important fact. Commitment is the driving force that makes it work – and the ability to stay because of that commitment. The feelings of love will come and go in a long term relationship.
That still leaves the question of how to know you’re actually ready for marriage unanswered. Honestly, how can you know you’d be ready to begin this new chapter in your life if you’re questioning your readiness in the first place?
Even if you’re completely unaware that you might actually be more than ready to take your relationship further, you can start paying attention to the following signals:
- You realize that you actually do want to spend your future with your partner. You enjoy each others company and have similar interests.
- You feel a deep connection with your other half and respect who they are.
- You trust, know, and truly love your significant other and can feel the reciprication.
- You haven’t thought about changing your partner.
- You’re good with making various long-term plans together.
- You’re comfortable with your other half being around your family and friends and having their own interests outside of you.
- You understand their past and what challenges they face when it comes to relationships.
- You cannot imagine your future without them at your side.
Why Do I Not Feel Ready For Marriage?
Knowing if you’re not ready for marriage is just as important as knowing you are. It’s OK not to be ready, and the first thing you have to know is that you’re not at fault for not being prepared for marriage. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re wrong for feeling this way – you’re not. You are who you are, and each of us is ready at different points in our lives.
However, the problem that may arise is getting your partner to understand that you love them even though you’re not ready for the next step. Not being ready for marriage doesn’t mean there’s no longer love. You just might not be in the right place at the moment, and that’s not something to feel bad about.
On the other hand, it’s easy to succumb to the pressures of various people around you and simply get on with it because “it’s time” or because “it’s the right thing to do” or because “you’ve been together for so long”.
That’s why it’s important to know the common telltale signs of not being in a place to get married:
- You seem to be more concerned with the wedding itself than life with your partner.
- You realize that you still don’t completely place your trust in your partner.
- You can’t picture yourself raising a child at this point in your life if having a family is something your partner wants soon.
- You’re challenged making compromises with your significant other.
- You feel like other people are putting pressure on you to get married.
- You find your mind wandering if this relationship is the right one for you.
What To Do If I’m Not Ready For Marriage?
Be honest with yourself and try to find out why you’re not ready to take the leap. Maybe you’re not ready for the institution of marriage, or maybe you feel like your partner’s not the right fit for you.
Whatever the reason is, it’s up to you to look deep into yourself and try to understand it. After being honest with yourself, it’s time to be honest with your partner and tell them why you’re not ready to marry them.
This can be a tough conversation and you might want to find professional help to handle this. However, it’s a conversation you need to have. Be honest, true to yourself, and open with your partner.
PIVOT’s Relationship Coaching Retreat For A Couple Will Help You Understand If You’re Ready For Marriage
Marriage is a big deal, and not everybody’s ready for it at the same time. You might want to jump into it, certain of your love, or you might be scared of losing your passion once you get married and becoming increasingly complacent as the marriage progresses.
There are also other situations where you simply don’t believe marriage is the right choice. For example, you and your partner might be on the verge of a breakup only to attempt and glue it all together by taking the next step. Or you just aren’t feeling it, and that’s completely fine. No one can force you to tie the knot. However, you might only be scared and unable to let go of your life right now and open up to all the great things marriage can bring. If that might be the case, PIVOT’s here for you. Our individual workshops can help you work on your own issues, while our couple retreats are perfect for resolving problems in your relationship. Schedule your appointment today!