This post was updated on Nov 29, 2022
Do you keep reminiscing about the past happier times you had in your relationship? Are you not able to enjoy the present moment since it’s filled with anxiety, fear, and dissatisfaction? If you’re struggling to find or create new moments to enjoy with your partner and you choose to resort to the past wondering what went wrong, read on.
Blaming yourself will not help you get your relationship back on track. It will just make you feel worse. And, attacking your partner with criticism and blame will make matters worse.
As hard as it can be, if you want to save your relationship, it’s time to act and stop the cycle of intimacy and relationship avoidance. Try and help you, your partner, and your relationship by understanding dying relationships better and learn how to rekindle yours.
What Are The Signs Of A Dying Relationship?
Are you starting to develop indifferent feelings toward your partner and your relationship? Are you beginning to notice the absence of love, yet not necessarily a desire to leave? Are you failing to see the fruits of your efforts of trying to make your relationship better? Is all of this leading you to care less and less about your partner?
These are just some of the feelings you could have if you’re finding yourself in a relationship that’s struggling. You may feel the urge to start blaming yourself for the state of your relationship. Yet, it’s not your fault and it doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault.
This doesn’t stop your relationship from causing you to experience negative instead of positive feelings. Of course, knowing you’re not to blame will not magically make you feel happy. Rekindling your relationship and feeling satisfied again requires work and effort. This begins by being aware of the signs that your relationship is in a less-than-perfect state:
- There is little or no communication: You used to look forward to every deep and meaningful conversation you would have with your significant other, and now you rarely talk and you and your partner simply go about your own business.
- There is little or no sex life: Losing emotional connection will cause your physical connection to dwindle as well, causing you to have less and less sex as time passes.
- There is little day-to-day affection: Once upon a time, you couldn’t do anything without you or your partner showing affection in various ways before returning to your tasks at hand, while that seems to be a thing of the past now?
- You don’t want to make plans for the future: You’re not wanting to make any future plans with your partner.
- Your partner annoys you: Everything your partner says, does, or even thinks is starting to annoy you. Even those cute quirks from the beginning of your relationship are now an endless source of irritation.
How Do I Make My Relationship Work Again?
Not every dying relationship deserves to become dead. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is throwing the towel in prematurely. Ending a relationship too soon can leave couples regretting their decision later and often repeating the same patterns in their next relationship.. Loving and dedicated couples are able to work through their problems and make their relationship work again by applying some effort in the right places.
- Conflicts are normal: Not only are conflicts normal – they’re sometimes necessary for resolving problems between you and your partner. Just don’t make your conflicts vindictive, personal, and completely unpleasant.
- Space is needed: Everybody needs some time alone even in the most loving of relationships. If your relationship is struggling, your instinct may be to cling onto your partner. In fact, both you and your partner could use some space to tend to your own emotions before resolving joint emotional difficulties.
- Personal needs are a necessity: Loving and caring for your partner doesn’t imply placing your own needs second. You have your own wants and wishes, so why not please yourself too? This will make you happier, more satisfied, and bring more love to give to your partner as well.
- Affection is important: Start showing more affection whenever possible, and not just sexual affection. Hugs, kisses, and other forms of physical contact can strengthen your relationship.
How Do You Bring Back The Spark Into A Relationship?
Making your relationship functional again is one thing. Making it exciting and enjoyable again is quite another. Once you work out all the major kinks, it’s time to bring back the spark that your relationship once had. This is the fun part.
- Let go of your past quarrels and problems, and start focusing on the now and what’s to come. As we often say at PIVOT, rip off the rearview mirror and look through the windshield and what is ahead! Once you process a challenging moment, let it go.
- Start taking a class together. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you’re both in for the ride. It can be anything from cooking to dancing to golf – just go for it!
- Remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place. From there, think about your first date and why not relive it once again. Think about the small things you did for each other in the beginning and do them often!
- Enjoy the little things in life together, such as the full moon or a gorgeous sunset.
- Be lazy on the weekend together. Spend a day slouching on the couch and doing whatever you feel like doing.
- Try to make every day just a bit special. Be mindful of doing something kind for each other. At least one small gesture a day. It adds up!
PIVOT Is Here To Help You Resolve Your Relationship And Intimacy Avoidance Problems
Remember this– a dying relationship is often something that happens through nobody’s intentional actions. It happens to many couples more than you realize. Perhaps you and your partner have entered into some unhealthy relationship patterns, or both of you are just finding it difficult to open up to each other completely.
The important thing is to not fall into an endless cycle of relationship conflicts and arguments and allow yourselves to take a moment and step back. Be honest with yourselves and each other, and try to identify the biggest issues in your relationship. Although this will not magically rekindle a potentially dying relationship, it’s a great first step. PIVOT is here to help you continue down the path of restoring your dying relationship. Our experienced and dedicated relationship advocates organize helpful and supportive couple workshops, as well as thoughtful and restorative individual workshops for your emotional problems. Reach out to us today and start working on your relationship!