Spring Into Action
Spring is here, and this invigorating season comes with an opportunity for new beginnings and transformations. The spring season of love is not just about a partnership; it’s also about embracing family, friendships, and self-love.
Dedicated to the One I Love
On that note, I’d like to invite you to learn more about the empowering duo’s work we do at PIVOT. Duos can be couples, parent/adult child, siblings, work partners, and the list goes on! What makes our program truly unique is that each person in the partnership has their own dedicated coach! Throughout the process, both partners are assigned a PIVOT coach to support and encourage them to have their own unique voice, own their part, and provide the necessary trust to facilitate positive change. Turning arguments into conversations is one of the many gifts learned in this process.
Learn and Laugh
Among my favorite phrases is one that I recently heard about our couple’s work: “Our three-day fights have now turned into 15-minute conversations.” I love this. If you’ve read my book, you know that I talk about the tremendous amount of time and energy wasted on fighting the wrong fight. For years, I was inclined to argue just to prove… prove that I was worthy, that I was enough, that I was smart, that I was right, and the list goes on. Today, I am grateful that I can finally laugh at myself and know what is mine to own – and what is not mine to own. And that has taken time.
Most partners throw up their hands after years of enduring the same fight over and over and only then finally agree to seek help. They often see this as a failure on their part and as something to avoid for as long as possible. It’s as if they believe that people who opt to get help are weak. Why wait until the situation gets downright ugly? Why wait until the damage is so deep that it may become too hard to salvage the relationship?
Spending a day or two to discover how to make your relationship richer is well worth the effort. There is much more to learn about the person you spend so much time with. Whether this is years or decades, now is the optimal time to work on your relationship.
Power of Now
A participant at a recent One-Day Couples Retreat shared that we should spread the word that the PIVOT process is also ideal for maintenance, not just for partners in crisis mode. Why wait until you’re in an accident before tending to faulty tires? Revitalize your coupleship sooner rather than later to realize the best possible outcomes.
Spring into Action
This spring, make a conscious effort to spend precious time with the people who bring you joy and inner peace. Do what makes you happy. Find humor, even in challenging situations. And don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
Coach Kayy Compares PIVOT to a Constellation
“About ten years ago when I was 23, my father committed suicide. This was on the heels of getting sober after over a decade of substance-use disorder. I already felt alone, and now I was alone in the dark. Being a “healthy adult” was never modeled in my upbringing, and now any chance of learning how to finally “grow up” was gone, or so I thought. I was really, really lost,” says PIVOT Coach Kayy O’Connell.
A Nod to Nothing
It was during this time that one of Kayy’s friends suggested meditation, and she asked if she could observe his practice. “He sat there. He just sat there in this weird room doing absolutely nothing. How is this going to help anything, I wondered. At first, it was all so strange to me. Now, ten-plus years later, it’s strange when I try to live without it,” says Kayy, who now regularly practices breath and somatic work AND meditates 20 minutes a day. Kayy ultimately learned that meditation suits and soothes her.
Spice of Life
When not “in her head,” Kayy also plugs and plays her eclectic interests that include horseback riding, backpacking, scuba diving, dissecting astrology charts, music, and deepening her spiritual practice. Kayy’s fur-ever companion, whom she is rarely without, is her five-year-old Irish Doodle named Drax.
She hit a wall in traditional healthcare when she worked as a psychiatric nurse. Kayy witnessed people recycling through the system, each time returning a bit more broken. Handling cases from start to finish AND making effective and individualized plans for long-standing behavioral change wasn’t possible in this role, and she didn’t feel fulfilled on so many other levels. “I thrive working one-on-one or in small group settings on an ongoing basis. I was always the intentional “therapist” for my friends and the unintentional one for my family, and was told this is where I truly shine. I’m grateful that people continued to point out this smoke within me because it led me to my own intrinsic fire.”
A random Instagram post by a fellow PIVOT Coach that Kayy met in her travels gave her reason to pause. At the time, Kayy was having a resurgence of unresolved grief and attachment wounds playing out in her own life and wondered what it would take to finally close the loop. “The post talked about how the company my friend worked for acknowledged and even celebrated his inner child, encouraging him to take care of his “little boy” over the holidays. This knocked me off my chair because this would never be a point of interest, let alone cross the minds of any of the company owners I had worked for up until then. Was this for real?” adds Kayy, who subsequently found out that this Coach lived 20 minutes from her home in San Diego. She jumped at the opportunity to meet up with him.
They met for coffee, and Kayy was mesmerized when she learned more about the magic of PIVOT. She wanted in. “I was familiar with attachment theory and developmental psychology, which is showcased in parts of the PIVOT curriculum. They are rich and useful models in our industry; however, they are typically looked at individually – and separately – as an answer versus considering their interconnectedness. PIVOT is the first organization to take all of these individual ‘stars’ and make a ‘constellation.”
To become acclimated to PIVOT, Kayy attended the 5-day Glass House Retreat before training to become a PIVOT Coach. She has also worked with her own PIVOT Coach. “It was in this specific work that the lights that went out a decade earlier began to twinkle back on,” she adds.
The life Kayy craved – the one led by her “healthy adult” – is accessible to her by her in real-time every single day. “I can think, feel and do congruently and then redirect impulses charged by historic emotional wounds towards intentional repairs and solutions.” Kayy gets immense satisfaction and great joy from watching her clients embrace emotional well-being – and realize their goals – through working the expansive PIVOT curriculum.
Says Kayy: “Although I don’t necessarily believe that everything happens for a reason, I do believe that everything that happens can be turned into a purpose – and PIVOT is mine.”
PIVOT Inspires Tim Taylor’s Celebrated Play: The Father Daughter Dance
“Up until PIVOT, I believed I had an idyllic upbringing. In fact, I now know I did not. My family was all about looking at the outside regardless of the challenges and problems on the inside. I figured there were plenty of people who had it a lot worse, so it had to be really, really bad to be truly bad. Yet when I was 27, my mentally ill, drug-addicted brother who was two years my senior killed himself,” says Tim Taylor, who was introduced to Lori Jean and her PIVOT curriculum about seven years ago by his then-girlfriend.
Through working the PIVOT curriculum, Tim took a deep dive into why he was the way he was – and why he did what he did. “When anyone approached me hard with love, I would recoil and respond with a ‘take it easy’ and ‘just chill out’ response. And then I learned about attachment styles, which made so much sense. There was no doubt I was avoidant. It was during my work with PIVOT that I explored my relationship with my mother and father – and discovered more about how these important relationships helped shape me,” adds Tim, who has attended the Men’s 5-Day Glass House Retreat.
Tim’s journey to emotional well-being was largely inspired by his love for his daughter Zoe and his desire for her to thrive in all facets of life. He chuckles as he shares that her current boyfriend resembles the “healthy adult” Tim – and for that he is grateful. As a single father, Tim appreciates the value of being fluent in his emotions and says that doing so is especially challenging for dads given the current landscape.
“Above all else,” explains Tim, “I am totally committed to my daughter. I vowed that I would not pass along my family-of-origin wounds to her. Having an avoidant attachment style is not at all helpful for children. I have learned that when my daughter, now 22 years old, comes to me with extremely strong emotions, she is doing so because she craves love. That’s when it’s essential for me to create space for her, sit with my emotions, and try to understand where she’s coming from – and what she needs from me in that moment,” continues Tim.
Behind the Scenes: Father/Daughter Dance
Tim’s unyielding devotion to his daughter served as the impetus for him to write and perform the “one dad” Father Daughter Dance play, which speaks to how he raised Zoe while battling addiction and, subsequently, embracing sobriety. It’s the story of how he grew alongside his daughter while he journeyed through the darkness of despair to ultimately becoming a bright guiding light in her life.
As a stand-up comic who has also developed the Father Daughter Dance podcast series, Tim’s celebrated one-man play is a clever mix of laughter and some tears with compelling and many relatable stories spanning from Zoe’s birth to her twenties that offer a glimpse into the sacred father/daughter relationship. See below to order tickets and to learn more about this highly acclaimed play to be featured nationwide.
Change the Script
Tim explains that his play highlights themes borrowed from the rich and expansive PIVOT curriculum. “My play illustrates how growing up with deep emotional wounds can be successfully addressed and changed by making the decision to put in the hard – but rewarding – internal work, which includes having a burning desire and willingness to love others – and making a commitment to learning to love yourself.”
LINKS FOR TICKETS TO UPCOMING FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE
PERFORMANCES AND PODCASTS
Speaking of Relationships!
The Courage to Pivot When Your Partner Refuses to Change
“My husband and I have grown apart. I have approached him to get help – and he says no. I have begged him to get help, and he says no. We are fighting more now that I want him to get help. What should I do?” -Jenna
This is a common dilemma for many couples who find themselves struggling with relationship issues. You may feel stuck and powerless, wondering if there is anything you can do to improve the situation. You may feel frustrated and angry, thinking that your partner is the problem and that they need to change. But what if your partner refuses to change? What can you do then?
At PIVOT, we have spent years observing human relationships and the power of personal growth. One of the key insights we have gained is that change starts with us. If we want to see change in our lives, we need to have the courage to change ourselves first.
We know that this is easier said than done. It’s much more tempting to focus on what our partner needs to do differently. But the truth is, we cannot control another person’s behavior or choices. We can only control our own.
So, if you find yourself in a situation where your partner refuses to get help, what can you do? This is where the magic of PIVOT can truly help.
1. Take Ownership Of Your Own Growth
Instead of focusing on what your partner needs to do differently, focus on what you can do to improve the situation. Ask yourself: What can I do to be a better partner? What changes can I make in myself that might improve our relationship? This is not about blaming yourself or taking on all the responsibility for the problems in your relationship. It’s about taking ownership of your own growth and being willing to make changes in yourself. You can start this process by looking at your life through the lens of the Whole Perspective.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Change is hard – and it’s even harder when we’re dealing with relationship issues. It’s important to be kind and compassionate with ourselves as we navigate these challenges. Be gentle with yourself (all parts!), and remember that growth is a process. It takes time, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Learning to PIVOT into your Healthy Adult is a key factor in practicing true self-compassion.
3. Seek Support
You don’t have to do this alone. Seek out the support of friends, family, or a PIVOT Coach who can help you navigate the challenges of your relationship. They can offer a fresh perspective, help you process your emotions, and provide guidance as you work on making changes in yourself. For more challenging situations, or if you have a history of addiction, abuse, or neglect, consider booking some time with our team at the Glass House.
4. Let Go Of Expectations
It’s natural to have expectations for our partner and our relationship. But sometimes, those expectations can become a source of frustration and disappointment. Letting go of our expectations doesn’t mean we give up on our relationship. It means we’re willing to accept things as they are and focus on what we can control – our own growth and behavior. This is often hard to do, but once we learn how to attach securely to those around us, it becomes easier to accept those around us exactly as they are instead of how we wish they were.
In summary, if you find yourself in a situation where your partner refuses to get help, remember that change starts with you. Take ownership of your own growth with the help of the PIVOT process. We can help you learn how to practice self-compassion, seek support, and let go of expectations. By doing so, you may find that your partner begins to shift as well – or you may find that you’re better able to navigate the challenges of your relationship with greater strength and resilience.
-Coach Cindy Finch
- Women’s Healthy Adult 1.0: May 15-19
- Men’s Healthy Adult 1.0 Retreat: May 29-June 2
The seasons are shifting, and so can you! Our Healthy Adult retreats are the perfect fit for anyone who wants to start (or continue) the change process in a powerful way.
An Eye on Alumni
Healthy Adult 2.0: June 12-16
During this time of year, society places a heavy emphasis on becoming healthy in order to sport a “summer body.” But what if you put your energy into getting healthier for the entire year – and beyond? PIVOT’s Healthy Adult 2.0 retreats are designed for PIVOT alumni looking to sharpen their skills, return for a tune-up, or embrace the growth component of Post-Traumatic-Growth.
New and Noteworthy
Young Women’s Retreat: July 17-21
PIVOT is launching an exciting summer retreat geared toward women between the ages of 18 and 25. This transformational week will bring six young women together to embrace empowering new skills to help them transition into the world of adulthood. Give Kayla in admissions a call for more information!