This post was updated on Nov 28, 2022
As much as you want to believe that your relationship can recover after infidelity and that putting time and effort into its recovery will be worth your while, here’s where it gets tricky: infidelity makes things messy and complicated. It leaves the partner who was cheated on with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment and the partner who cheated with the feelings of guilt – intensified while the other partner is trying to get to a place of forgiveness.
If one of you was unfaithful, yet both of you are now willing to make it work, what can you do to initiate the healing process and rebuild a healthy relationship? If you agree that your relationship is worth saving, can it survive and last? What does the future have in store for your relationship?
Dealing With The Aftermath Of Infidelity
If this is what you and your partner are going through at the moment, you might be having difficulty being in the same room with each other, let alone communicating about what happened. But understanding what led to infidelity could be vital to dealing with its aftermath. Seeing a professional relationship coach or going to a private couple retreat for reconnection can help you get to the bottom of the problem.
Once A Cheater Always A Cheater: Is It True?
If you fear that a partner who cheated once will do it again, you’ll have to bite the bullet: yes, it could be true. But it’s far from a universal truth. The damage is done, but if both partners are equally willing to make it work, there is hope yet. This depends mainly on whether partners can regain and rebuild mutual trust and make room for reconnection, understanding and forgiveness.
Distrust is toxic, destructive and breeds dysfunction. Continuing mistrust toward the partner could doom a relationship that might be worth saving. Whether it was you or your partner who cheated, the situation will be beyond help if there is continued distrust between you over a long period of time. Initially, there will be distrust – it is to be expected during the time it takes to get the trust back.
Can You Move Past Cheating?
First and foremost: you have to give yourself time, regardless of whether it was you or your partner who cheated. Couples can and do overcome and bounce back after infidelity, sometimes with renewed passion.
But moving past cheating and staying together with a cheating partner is possible if you meet the main criterion: confront and deal with your own unresolved issues. If you continue to harbor resentment toward your partner because they cheated, you can never truly move past it.
To make matters worse, the unresolved anger and resentment could have a detrimental effect on you as a person and render you incapable of truly moving on. Having unresolved issues because you were cheated on can have a lasting impact on your emotional and romantic life. Even if you decide to end the relationship in which you were cheated on, the frustration you have failed to deal with could spill over and have an impact on your new relationship.
Provided that both of you are willing to go all out and capable of mustering the strength to salvage the relationship, can you do it on your own or should you seek professional help and guidance? Together with your partner, you can try a relationship building skills workshop or better yet, a private couple retreat for reconnection. If you think you could use some alone time to try and overcome issues of your own, perhaps you should try working alongside an individual coaching expert beforehand.
How Often Do Couples Stay Together After Infidelity?
Cheating appears to be common among both men and women, even in what are supposed to be loving, committed relationships. How often is it a deal breaker? The statistics appear grim.
According to some estimates, few couples who have experienced infidelity can rework their relationship and make it last. Almost half of the couples decide to end the relationship immediately after the truth comes out and a third decide to try and make it work but break up eventually. This is primarily because the couple did not get help initially.
Most people are caught off guard by their partner’s infidelity. Whether because they fail to recognize issues in their relationship or because they trust their partner without reservation, they never see it coming. Whether or not they can overcome and truly recover from infidelity could depend on the circumstances under which infidelity took place:
- The partner’s willingness to discuss the affair openly,
- The details of the affair,
- The level of emotional intimacy between partners.
Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?
If attempts at reconciliation and recovery are one-sided, it’s pointless to even try to patch things up. If you and your partners are committed to making it work and bringing the romance back to life, challenging times lie ahead however it can become healthy again. In some cases – relationships can actually become BETTER than ever.
It’s extremely difficult for a couple to go back to normal and rebuild trust in their relationship after infidelity because trust violation is inevitable. The partner who was cheated on is likely to have major trust issues, and so will the partner who cheated. Keep in mind that people who cheat on a regular basis are often jealous and suspicious of their partners because they project their own negative emotions and desires onto others.
Chances are you both could use some time to think things through and possibly some alone time. You can consider taking a break from your relationship and then start over if you both feel it is the right thing to do. Some couples choose to attend a couple relationship management workshop as part of the healing process.
Steps To Rebuilding A Relationship After An Affair
Both partners have to be willing to take action in order to overcome the consequences of the affair:
- Step one:
Mutual commitment to investing time, energy and emotional work into resolution,
- Step two:
Renegotiating the terms of the relationship,
- Step three:
Offering a genuine apology and accepting it,
- Step four:
Open communication between partners so they can both develop a deeper understanding of what caused the affair,
- Step five:
And then, co-create a plan to move forward based on the information that was uncovered and worked through during the healing time.
Bounce Back With Healthy Relationship Workshop Activities!
Smoothing things over with your partner and rebuilding a strong and healthy relationship is hard work, especially after infidelity or adultery. Regardless of which partner had the affair, you need to join hands and work toward recovery. It’s time to pick up the pieces, and we are here to give you our support and professional guidance through our relationship workshops.
Some couples find that they can make most progress with individual coaching sessions, and others prefer to take our customized intensive workshops. The PIVOT process could be the answer you have been looking for. Call now!