This post was updated on Apr 15, 2023
Losing attraction in a relationship can be completely frightening, as most people consider it the first sign of the romance fading. Sometimes the loss of attraction seems like it is because of the differences in sex drives between you and your partner, and all you need to do is communicate your problems to your partner clearly, and they should go away.
However, there are often times when the loss of attraction is only the surface of a larger problem. Perhaps your partner has been emotionally distant recently which, in turn, has made your self esteem low, causing you to struggle with attraction. Maybe your partner’s been dishonest with you, which prevents you from being able to physically connect with your partner. Or you’re lacking the necessary emotional support that would make you enjoy intimacy.
Whatever the underlying issues that have resulted in the loss of attraction between you and your romantic partner, they need to be addressed. The best way to tackle them is always to turn to relationship intimacy coaching that can surely help you resolve any intimacy problems you have in your relationship. But, before that, let’s take a look at why you’ve lost attraction, and how you can regain it.
Is It Normal To Lose Attraction To Your Partner?
When a romantic relationship starts, there is usually a magnetic attraction to your partner. Everything feels new, every kiss is fresh and full of passion, every intimate encounter fiery, it seems as though the raw physical attraction will never disappear.
However, that kind of initial allure is, realistically, not sustainable in the long term. It is completely normal for the feelings for your partner to take on a form different than unhinged sensuality.
However, completely losing attraction to your partner is certainly not a desirable turn of events. You might have started taking the initial attraction for granted, thinking it would last forever. But relationships require work, even in the intimate department.
That is why you should address loss of attraction to your partner. Sometimes, it’s something you can work on through considerate conversation, while other instances require emotional coaching. Depending on the cause of the lost attraction, the methods for resolving the problem differ.
What Causes Loss Of Attraction?
It can be very emotionally draining when you notice the spark’s beginning to fade. However, the first step in reigniting the old flame is to realize why you’ve lost attraction to your partner in the first place. Only once you become aware of the reason can you start working on the solution.
The best way to discover why the loss of attraction has happened is to consult an experienced emotional coach who can help you uncover what it is that made you start looking at your partner with different eyes. These are some of the most common reasons for losing attraction:
- Harbored anger – Holding on to resentment and anger can quickly turn to loss of attraction towards your partner. You should always communicate negative emotions clearly and calmly.
- Communication deterioration – Have you and your partner started talking more and more in practical terms, and less and less about meaningful or intimate topics? The lack of adequate communication can lead to loss of attraction.
- Failure to share activities – As your relationship lasts, you tend to fall into a routine and stop sharing new adventures with your partner. This lack of fresh activities can lead to you starting to lose attraction to your significant other.
- Letting go – Feeling comfortable in a relationship is great, but feeling overly comfortable to the point of starting to let go both physically and mentally is a quick way to a complete loss of intimacy between you and your partner.
- Loss of physical attraction – Sometimes, you can simply find yourself no longer attracted to your partner and lose plenty of chemistry in the process.
- Boredom – Boredom can also cause loss of attraction. People tend to crave novelty, and once there isn’t any, and once the feeling of familiarity becomes all-encompassing, you can easily begin to lose attraction to your partner.
- Merged identities – When you first fall in love with someone, it is because of their unique traits. You should nurture that uniqueness in a relationship too. Don’t let you and your partner merge into one person – cherish your uniqueness so you can value being together.
- Survival Patterns – You may be drawn to someone simply because their behavior is familiar from your childhood or adolescence, which may not be healthy. For example – they may be abusive. Eventually you wake up and lose attraction.
Can You Love Someone And Not Be Sexually Attracted?
You can definitely be in love even if you’re not sexually attracted to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Love and attraction are two separate things, and while it’s great when they go together, it’s not a complete deal breaker if the sexual attraction is missing.
Sometimes, it can take time for you to develop that kind of attraction towards the person you’re in love with. Focus on your emotional and mental connection first, and attraction will come as you build a stronger foundation for your relationship and as you progress your feelings for each other.
On the other hand, it’s also common for two people who love each other to lose that physical attractiveness over time. Despite no longer being as physically attractive as they once were, this is not the end of the world and is entirely something you can work out with your partner. You just need to admit it, talk about it, and start resolving it.
You can always try emotional intimacy coaching sessions that are held by professional relationship coaches. These sessions can help you and your partner communicate your feelings, convey potential resentment, resolve all those problems and move past them and into a freshly-blossoming and committed relationship.
Can You Regain Attraction For Someone?
Yes, you definitely can reignite the passion in your relationship. You can take care of some intimacy issues between you and your partner, while other problems require the help of professional coaches.
However, you can always try to do one or several of the following things when attempting to rekindle the flame of intimacy in your relationship.
- Face your fears
First, try to take care of yourself and your own emotional problems that might be causing loss of attraction between you and your partner.
- Redefine attraction
There are many different ways in which you can be attracted to your partner, and attraction’s more than skin deep. Emotional and intellectual attraction can also spark intimacy.
- Love yourself
First, learn how to love and accept yourself in order to be able to love and accept your partner.
Don’t just focus on the now, go back in time a bit and try to remember what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.
If you’ve started to lose emotional and mental connection to your partner, you should work on reestablishing those connections.
- Seek some thrills
Try to introduce some excitement to your relationship by going on adventures together.
- Learn the language of love
All individuals have preferences in the way they like to be loved. Some enjoy acts of service, others physical contacts, while some like words of affirmation. Try to translate your feelings into your partner’s language.
- Be independent
Don’t harbor resentment if your partner is not able to meet all your emotional needs. It’s unrealistic to expect so. Allow yourself to have friends and interests outside of your relationship.
- Try intimacy coaching
Sometimes, all you do can fail in reigniting a physical relationship. But there’s no reason to despair. You can always contact experienced intimacy coaches who can help you and your partner feel emotionally and physically connected again, reviving your physical relationship in the process.
There are many ways you can try in order to regain attraction to someone. Many people think that once the attraction is gone, so is the love. But that’s rarely the case. Intimacy can also require work, and if you truly love someone you should do all you can to work it out.
Who Provides The Best Relationship Intimacy Coaching Sessions?
Losing attraction to your partner is extremely difficult, and it can make you question your entire relationship. Even when the love is still there, you can easily start doubting everything. However, it doesn’t have to be that grim, and you have to know there are ways to resolve emotional and physical intimacy problems in a relationship.
The best way to deal with the loss of attraction is to try relationship intimacy coaching. At PIVOT, we organize specialized relationship retreats and workshops, and we also arrange individual sessions with a team of seasoned relationship advocates. Reach out to us today and let us help your relationship thrive again.