Bells, Bows & Boundaries
It’s November, so let the festivities begin! While 2020 was certainly not a typical year by any standards, the 2021 holiday season brings opportunities to mingle with family and friends with the appropriate precautions. COVID has certainly changed the social landscape. If family dynamics have been especially challenging during this time of year, how about trying out a new mindset and strategy this holiday season to help create more meaningful connections?
Tools of the Trade
Creating appropriate internal boundaries empowers you to show up as your healthy adult and create the meaningful connections I am speaking about. Doing so alleviates stress and confusion – and allows you to be in the present. Navigating difficult personalities and opposing viewpoints can get uncomfortable if you show up to gatherings unprepared. You wouldn’t attempt to run 26.2 miles (a marathon!) without a sound strategy. Or build your dream house without the right blueprint. Getting into Relational Alignment – good rational thinking, emotional intelligence, and taking healthy actions – can mean the difference between welcoming and enduring the holidays. Setting and maintaining boundaries is essential to keep you emotionally safe. Crafting a plan lightens your load – and your spirits – and gives you more time and energy to do the things YOU love to do for the holidays.
Show & Tell (But Know How Much!)
Understanding where the people in your life fit into the big picture can be a game-changer. This is where the Relational Circle Boundaries come into play! Using this high-impact process is likely to alleviate disappointment and confusion. Should you divulge details about your romantic interludes to Cousin Vinny (semi) when he constantly criticizes who you are dating? You might absolutely adore Cousin Vinny, however, he is not always a reliable confidant (good). Is it wise to insist to discuss the dietary complications sugar causes at the dinner table when your sister-in-law (semi) spent a long time baking homemade pumpkin pies? Knowing your shared interests and safe topics ahead of time with people who can trigger you helps create connection instead of conflict. Accepting the imperfections and having realistic expectations of yourself and others can turn what could potentially be an uncomfortable situation into a positive event! Leveraging PIVOT’s Relational Circle Boundaries will be transformational and give you tools to show up as your healthiest self.
A Peek Inside
This month we’re excited to feature PIVOT Coach Rosemary in our SPOTLIGHT section. Among other inspiring content in our November issue, we also want to know the most celebrated aspect of the holiday season for you. Please tell us in this month’s PIVOT Poll.
Go the Distance
Relationships matter, so go the distance by showing up as your healthiest self this holiday season! My wish for you – is for you to be hopeful, happy, and healthy. And, most of all, to be grateful. Happy Thanksgiving!
Spotlight: PIVOT Coach Rosemary O’Connor
PIVOT Embraces Individuality to Promote Lasting Healing
“I’ve come to believe that the PIVOT curriculum is divinely inspired. And I’ve been trained in many different modalities. Among other benefits, what differentiates PIVOT and makes it so empowering is the focus on individualized care based on each person’s unique storyline. Even though two people may share the same “label,” they are not the same person. The personal touch we offer allows for a truly customized experience that promotes and facilitates healing,” says Coach Rosemary, who is a PIVOT Coach and Glass House Facilitator. Rosemary is also a proud mom who is the author of the Sober Mom’s Guide to Recovery.
Getting rid of labels, she explains, allows us to embrace individuality. Says Rosemary: “Trauma is not one-size-fits-all. Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes, including childhood trauma; trauma from bullying in the workplace; trauma from romantic rejection; trauma from losing a home; and much more. We need to look at who people are and determine their personal triggers – and steer clear of lumping everyone into one category with a single label.”
The speed at which PIVOT works turned Rosemary into a fan of the process almost overnight. “I was immediately drawn to the PIVOT curriculum,” says Rosemary, “because I had never before seen such quick transformations. PIVOT’s high-impact solutions are designed for everyday life. By providing personalized road maps with concrete action plans, we’re in an optimal position to handle life’s inevitable challenges in the moment.”
A Place for Us
Rosemary has witnessed couples on the brink of divorce turn things around with both partners becoming more enlightened in the process. “Couples Retreats are extremely powerful,” she continues, “because so many people don’t understand their own behavior and why they do what they do – nor do they understand their partner’s behavior. Our Couples Retreats offer opportunities for both partners to come together and get to know themselves as individuals, as well as how they interact in a coupleship. I continue to witness extraordinary and life-changing results that give couples a chance to build stronger bonds and connections than ever before.”
Walking on Sunshine
Being a PIVOT Coach and Facilitator brings Rosemary great joy because she helps people connect with others (and themselves) to forge successful relationships. “Many of us,” she says, “are walking around in so much pain with what feels like nowhere to turn. I love supporting individuals in turning their lives around, so they can live the amazing lives they truly desire. It’s comforting to know that PIVOT has the capacity to heal individuals who are in emotional pain by giving them high-impact tools to live their best lives at any age. We’re here for all of you.”
Our Clients Say It Best:
After years of struggling to find my voice, I was introduced to the PIVOT process by my therapist. I attended the Repair and Restore Relationship Retreat to reduce the anxiety I carried into the relationships in my life. I learned in that first retreat that past wounds were affecting how I was showing up in my current relationships. I realized I had been fighting the wrong fight. The relationship that needed repairing most was the one I had with myself!
After the first experience, I went home and practiced the tools in my relationships with myself and others. I had specific tools to help me not neglect myself. When I heard the PIVOT team came up with a Healthy Adult 2.0 Retreat, I was all in! I wanted to work on this new muscle I discovered and continue to grow.
The Right Moves
And, that was the best gift I could give myself! I really understand the importance of post-traumatic growth after attending both retreats. Focusing on all that is right with me empowers me to make much healthier choices. I have such gratitude and respect for the PIVOT process. I don’t think a simple “Thank You” can do justice to all the “feels” I’m having.
Speaking of Relationships:
Ask Lori Jean
Dear Lori Jean:
My wife, kids, and I spend Thanksgiving with her family at her parents’ house. I am struggling with my wife’s relationship with her mother (and my mother-in-law.) This is how it goes down; we wake up and rush around getting dressed in clothes my wife insists we wear, we follow orders to prepare dishes we’re supposed to bring to my in-law’s house and, as we drive to their house, we are told what we can and can’t say. Our teenage kids and I exchange silent deep sighs and eye rolls. It’s not fun. How do we handle this? JC
Sounds like your wife is anxious and has a level of “perfectionism” that needs to be met for her to go home for Thanksgiving. It appears she would benefit from doing some of her own “work” to let go of trying to please her Mom. There may be expectations that need to be met from your wife’s mother that exacerbates your wife’s anxiety. Clearly, there is a crucial conversation that needs to happen between the two of you. I would suggest the following:
- Get curious about her relationship with her Mom first. Ask her questions to genuinely learn why she becomes so deregulated when she goes home. This is a sensitive issue, so using a calm and caring approach will give her an opportunity to express her emotions to you.
- Share with her, using I statements, how you feel and the impact it has on you and the kids when she pulls you into her anxiety storm.
- Invite her to create a different way to prepare and show up for the holidays. And, if need be, let her know you support her in getting professional help to better understand her attachment with her Mom – whom you know she loves very much.
- Then be specific, kind, and helpful in delivering your own bottom lines.
Let her know you are willing to go to her mother’s home for Thanksgiving. However, also let her know you support her in refraining from making snappy demands, including dictating what to wear and how to cut the celery sticks.
Suggest that she communicates how she feels to you directly if she gets triggered by her Mom and that she set an internal boundary around not externalizing her complicated relationship with her mother in front of the kids.
Come up with your own family tradition for the holidays, so you have cheerful memories of your own. Several things come to mind – go for a walk together as a family before going to your in-laws’ house. Or, perhaps stay for dinner and come home to play fun games or watch movies as a family under your own roof. Get creative! Thanksgiving and every other holiday can be a time to celebrate and embrace the people in our lives with appreciation and gratitude.
Healthy Adult 2.0
We’ve launched our first Healthy Adult 2.0 Retreat and it was a HUGE success! If you have worked the PIVOT curriculum and/or attended the Glass House Retreat, give our Admissions team a call today and join us in the new year. A BIG thank you to PIVOT Coaches Kara R., Fernando R., and Gaby F. for transforming this powerful vision into a reality! Join other like-minded “semis” who think better, feel better, and live better, as our tagline states, and join us next year. Bet some of those “semis” will become “goods!”
Honeymoon – I DO PIVOT for Two!
How cool is it to really know someone – and their developmental parts – before you get committed! We are offering new couples intensives to create a deeper level of intimacy and connection prior to taking that big step. Whether it’s getting married or making a formal commitment, we are here to help you celebrate coming together!
Our 2022 calendar is ready, so give our admissions team a call to book yours. Start off your new year strong and empowered! We’re here to help.
Celebrating Our Coaches
The holiday season is a time for reflection, offering an opportunity to celebrate the bright spots in our lives. On that note: PIVOT is excited to host a gathering for our very own PIVOT coaches and facilitators to welcome in 2022! It won’t be just any ole party. Think fun, festivities, friendships, – and some pretty cool dance moves – under a glistening mirror disco ball. Mark your calendar and make your reservations PIVOT coaches! Jan. 21 – Jan. 23!
Connect the Dots
“It’s not about what’s wrong with you. It’s about what happened to you. The PIVOT process empowers clients with life-affirming tools to connect the dots about why you do what you do – and offers tangible and practical solutions.”