Are you dazzled by the romantic, fairytale-like gestures you lavishly receive from your new partner every day? Are you thinking you’ve finally found your perfect match and are excited about their hints about building a future together? This might just be the case, and you’re the lucky one in the fire of true affection. However, it’s also possible that you’ve found yourself in what’s called narcissistic love bombing.
Now, what is a love bomber? At first, what your partner does for you feels good, granting you all the attention and making you feel seen, admired, and respected. However, it’s possible that the motivation behind such behavior is to make you dependent on them eventually. Once they feel they’ve secured everything you are with their acts of affection and attention, their other personality traits rise to the surface.
What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing definition can be interpreted as emotional abuse where your partner uses impressive gestures in order to manipulate you intentionally. These can include compliments, affection, and gifts. However, these are only their means to make you dependent, allowing them to control the relationship. Once they feel they really have you under control, they become manipulative, abusive, and difficult.
These individuals tend to experience an emotional void that they have the urge to fill with their partner’s love. However, once they feel secure in a relationship, their true intentions unravel. This can make you feel like you owe them an equal amount of loyalty and adoration in return for all that attention and gifts you’ve received. However, know that love does not require that amount of initial love rush.
What Happens When You Are Love Bombed?
At the beginning of your new relationship, you may view your partner as charming and particularly attentive, continually praising you and telling you how much they adore you. They idealize you from the very beginning, and you may also very quickly perceive them as emotionally attached to you.
After this initial phase, after they’ve done everything to get you under their spell, they start alternating between being loving and cruel. They mainly display their kindness in public to keep others believing how great they are. However, in private, they let their true character loose and often turn psychologically abusive. Your relationship becomes a vicious circle where gifts and affection are replaced by sociopathic nastiness, followed by a desperate endeavor to reconcile.
Why Do People Love Bomb?
This behavior typically stems from dependence on others and insecurities related to trust. While love bombing in long-term relationships or any other form of relationship can be unconscious, it can also be intentional manipulation. Either way, it makes you feel guilty about questioning your partner’s actions. This manipulative tactic is often used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, where they feel entitled to praise and attention and are extremely self-important.
However, it can also be a behavior that they learned from childhood trauma, past abusive relationships, or parents. Some common reasons include:
Family Culture Of Expressiveness And Affection
They may have grown up in a family or cultural environment that encourages expressing appreciation or fondness for each other. For some, probably, their intent isn’t harmful or severe, and they don’t realize that their heaps of attention are causing uneasiness and concern.
If they thrive on staying in a romantic relationship or they’ve been alone for a more extended period of time, their intent to love you may be sincere. The intense attention can be their way of not losing you while your relationship develops. There’s typically no preconceived intent to influence or deceive you, just a strong desire for attachment.
The Need To Keep You On Hold
In this case, your partner is probably making a calculated attempt to make you stay while they have time to decide what they really want. They seek a stable and secure relationship, yet they’re hesitant to embrace emotional vulnerability. While their attention makes you stick around, it doesn’t necessarily indicate they’re ready for consistent commitment.
Desire To Influence Or Manipulate
This motive is the most serious one and often comes from a narcissist or sociopath. In this case, love bombing typically occurs in several phases, including idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Further, developing a romantic relationship with this type of love bomber can have you suffering immense emotional as well as financial damage. In extreme situations, it can even become life-threatening.
How Do You Know If You’re Being Love Bombed?
Recognizing narcissist love bombing can be difficult. It may cause a part of you to feel embarrassed about how intense your relationship is, causing you to downplay it to others. Unfortunately, an abusive relationship isn’t clear-cut in all situations. However, there are some red flags that can alert you that your partner is likely a manipulator. Here’s what to look for:
- They shower you with exaggerated flattery and over-the-top compliments. They know and say precisely what you need to hear.
- They tend to ignore your schedule and time because they’re self-centered and focused on their own needs.
- When they give you luxurious gifts, they’ll remind you about them and how much they’ve done for you, particularly when you question their actions.
- They’ll display loads of affection on social media and in public because they want to manipulate the impression of a perfect relationship.
- Because they need perpetual reassurance, they’ll become angry or even threaten you if you don’t reply to a text.
- You start feeling uneasy in their presence and fear being berated and punished by them.
- They tend to confuse you. Because of their insecurity, they’ll blame you, making any problems look like your fault.
- They gradually gain more control over you through gaslighting, making you second-guess your reality and yourself.
- They detach you from friends and family, so you only rely on them.
- Because of the emotional abuse, you may experience anxiety or depression.
If you realize you’re involved with a dishonest person who’s abusing you to fulfill their own needs, distancing yourself and seeking support outside the relationship is the safest way out. Rely on your family, friends, or a specialist for an objective perspective, and remember there’s no need to take the blame for what happened.
Let PIVOT Help You Deal With Narcissistic Love Bombing
Whether you’re wondering, “Am I love bombing?” or you’ve just got out of an abusive relationship, PIVOT is here to help you restore your emotional well-being. Our certified experts are here to skillfully and gently guide you on your way. Whether through our meticulous coaching for individuals or our empowering Glass House retreats, We’ll help you regain your strength and value so you can thrive again and feel confident in your future relationships. Get in touch with us today and enjoy the perks of our reliable service!