Withdrawal from Love

You may not realize this, but falling in love is actually a chemical experience much like any mind-altering experience. Once caught in the throws of passion, you are actually “high” as if you were drugged. This is why it is such a powerful experience and can lead to attaching anxiously in some cases when there is a desperate need to heal unmet
longing.

Like any drug, withdrawal from what Soren Kierkegaard calls “preferential love” is eminent if the connection between lovers is broken.

Withdrawal from addictive relationships is one of the most painful withdrawals because there is a unique connection between the person affected and his or her need for love as a child. During withdrawal people psychologically go back in time and feel all the losses they have felt. The more neglected they were as children, the more they suffer in the process of withdrawal.

Sometimes the symptoms of withdrawal are also physical. Lovers experience depression, anxiety and even flu like symptoms just like withdrawal from drugs. People have many theories about how to treat withdrawal. There is the moderation theory like they practice for food addiction, but in most cases complete abstinence works better.

It is important to note that in most cases one cannot go through withdrawal without help. PIVOT recommends that the support you seek must be specific. When reaching out to peers, refrain from contacting those that will minimize or rationalize the withdrawal symptoms because they have a level of understanding about what you are going through. It’s also important that those peers can hold you accountable to the healthier path you are choosing.

In conclusion, if you think you are in withdrawal from an addictive relationship and that unique connection it creates between two people, you must give yourself time to heal. Whether your withdrawal is short or long things will get better
in time. This would also be a good time to build up your confidence and self-esteem. Inspirational reading, trying new activities, changing your routine, are helpful with changing our perspective.

Some people blame themselves for the end of the relationship and this only prolongs withdrawal. Most of all be optimistic and know that with the right support – secure attachment and healthy love are possible.

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