This post was updated on Nov 28, 2022
All you need is love. Whether that is true or not, there’s no denying that most of us need and seek love in order to feel happy and complete. But how much do we really know about love? Is love all we need in a relationship? Do we have any control over who and how much we love?
Whether you wish to learn how to love yourself or find out why you are afraid of love, seeking information from an experienced relationship coach is possibly the best course of action. In this article, we will approach love from a number of angles in order to shed light on its nature and importance in our relationships. Read on!
Can A Relationship Survive On Love Alone?
Most of us are taught to believe in the importance of love, whether from our parents, movies, or literature. How come then that we see so many relationships fall apart even though love is very much still there? Is it possible that love isn’t all we need to make a relationship work?
Unfortunately, it is entirely possible to love someone who isn’t the right person for us. In fact, there are many situations in which love alone may not be enough.
When Love Is Not Enough
No matter how much we love, our relationships can still fall apart. While love may conquer all in some situations, here are some relationship struggles that even love may not be able to resolve:
- You can love the wrong person. Your partner might not be right for you. They may be abusive, your relationship may lack intimacy, or you may just be too similar or too different. No matter the reason, it’s entirely possible to truly love a person who isn’t good for us.
- It’s possible to love someone at the wrong time. You may love someone to the moon and back, but feel like you should end the relationship because you’re not ready to embrace it at the present moment. Sometimes, the timing is just not right.
- You and your partner may have conflicting values. While it’s perfectly normal to be with someone who has different beliefs than you do, you may want to consider leaving the relationship if you and your partner keep fighting over your conflicting values.
- Your partner may not reciprocate. Can true love be one-sided? Certainly, but that doesn’t mean that such a relationship is healthy. If you feel like your partner doesn’t love you as much as you love them, the relationship may not be the one for you.
- Your friends and family may disapprove. Although it might sound like a Romeo and Juliet scenario, it’s quite common for family members to disapprove of a relationship. Sometimes, they have a good reason to do so, even though love is very much there.
Is Love A Choice Or A Feeling?
Falling in love is easy for most of us. It may even feel effortless, almost like there’s nothing we can do about it. Staying in love, on the other hand, is a different story entirely. In reality, love is more of a choice than a feeling. By this, we mean that we have to consciously decide to stay committed to a single person when the initial butterflies disappear.
Every single day, we have to make conscious choices to love or not to love a person. We may face serious fights or be incredibly annoyed by our partner’s habits, and still choose to love them and stay in the relationship. It is these choices we make on a regular basis that show our love, not the fleeting feelings we have when we start dating. So, while we may not exactly choose who we love, we definitely can choose who we keep loving when the going gets tough.
Can You Love Someone Too Much?
The short answer would be: no, there’s no such thing as loving someone too much. However, it is possible to smother someone with affection. Oftentimes, this is done out of selfish reasons. When we love a person, we wish them to be happy even though their idea of happiness may be different from our own. Smothering, on the other hand, means prioritizing your own needs over your partner’s.
Of course, if you feel like your partner isn’t giving you enough attention or that your relationship is one-sided, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are smothering them if you insist on seeking emotional closeness with them. Here’s what smothering in a relationship typically looks like.
Signs of Emotional Suffocation
If you worry that you may be emotionally suffocating your partner, here are some signs you should look out for:
- You always wish to know where they are. If you keep texting your partner constantly, wanting to keep track of their whereabouts at all times, it’s quite possible that you’re smothering them.
- You never leave their side. Sometimes, it’s best to leave the person you love alone. We all have days when we wish to have some time to ourselves or go and see our childhood friends. Insisting on following your partner’s every step is a sure sign of emotional suffocation.
- You never disagree with your partner. While you may want to show your partner how much you love them by appreciating their ideas, you shouldn’t agree with every single thing they say just to impress them. Most of the time, you’ll achieve the opposite effect.
- You don’t feel comfortable alone. Most of the time, we seek emotional closeness with others because we feel insecure and need reassurance. If you can’t be on your own, you may have some low self-esteem or abandonment wounds and survival patterns that need your attention.
- They tell you they feel suffocated. Naturally, if your partner tells you they feel smothered in the relationship, you should take their word for it. The best course of action would be to have a serious discussion about the issue and see what can be done to resolve it.
Visit our effective couples retreat relationship workshop
At PIVOT, we work hard in order to help couples and individuals with their relationship struggles. It is our mission to enable you to heal your past wounds and work on happier, healthier relationships with the ones you love the most.
Our knowledgeable PIVOT Advocates will offer effective and transformative solutions to your relationship problems. We offer both couples and individual coaching for your relationships as well as effective five-day workshops at The Glass House. Give us a call today and start your journey toward a healthier emotional life!