1-855-452-0707Many people seem to believe that vulnerability is a weakness, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Unless you are willing to open up and show your vulnerable side to a potential partner, you can’t expect to build a meaningful and lasting relationship with them.
Dating with trust issues that cause you to put up walls is hard. Without vulnerability and trust, a relationship is unlikely to move past the initial stages without substantial effort from both parties. And if it does, it’s possible that the lack of intimacy would lead to more serious relationship issues such as infidelity and betrayal.
Unless you want to perpetuate the vicious cycle of trust issues and failed relationships, you should learn how to be vulnerable in the dating phase. Avoiding vulnerability can lead to more hurt in the long run.
How Can I Be Vulnerable When Dating?
If you have built walls so high that nobody can see the real you anymore, it’s only natural that you’d feel scared while dating. Know this – eventually, what you are too ashamed to reveal- will come out into the open over time if the relationship begins to progress.
It is not good to disclose everything on the first two dates however, not revealing certain aspects or not telling the truth because of shame can result in being dumped – causing more pain. Fortunately, you can learn how to be more vulnerable if you are willing to put in the effort. Here are some steps you can take:
While it may seem counterintuitive, relying on your gut when navigating the dating world can actually save you from unnecessary pain. If your instincts tell you that you shouldn’t trust a person as soon as you meet them, take it seriously. Being vulnerable isn’t the same as being naive.
Don’t put up a fake front and present yourself as someone you’re not. Your potential partner should fall for you as you are, not for the ideal that you created just to impress them. Sure, dressing up putting makeup on for a partner is perfectly normal, but changing yourself completely just to attract a partner is never a good idea.
Honesty is a must if you want to build healthy relationships. Try to be straightforward about your needs and speak your mind if you feel mistreated in a relationship. Learning how to create healthier boundaries and express your true feelings without shame is key if you wish to find success while dating.
Games are just another strategy we employ to avoid pain and disappointment. By never showing just how much we are interested in another person, we are only making things more difficult for both parties. Instead, try to be authentic and make your intentions known right from the start.
Some people find dating much easier than others. If you belong to the first group, realize that you can’t learn to be vulnerable overnight. Be patient and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t manage to open up straight away. Try to remember that all significant and lasting transformations take time. Taking small steps in the process of becoming less guarded can help you gradually expose yourself to safe situations where vulnerability can be practiced.
How Do You Let Your Guard Down When Dating?
If you’re still healing from past hurts, learning how to be vulnerable and trust again is bound to take time. Creating an environment where both partners feel safe to be open and honest without fear of judgment is crucial. While letting your guard down won’t be easy if your wounds are deep, remember that you deserve to have a healthy and happy relationship and that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. Sharing personal stories from your past can facilitate deeper communication and ease in conversations, fostering a sense of openness and authenticity.
Ways To Let Your Guard Down
Letting your guard down will be easier if you follow some of these steps:
- Communicate your needs openly. Letting a potential partner know what you are looking for in a relationship will prevent unnecessary disappointment. Being honest about what you want is the only way to get it. Clear and honest communication fosters deeper connections and is essential for building trust and meaningful relationships. For example, saying, “I need us to check in weekly to feel secure,” prioritizes building mutual trust.
- Talk about your values and passions. Don’t be afraid to share your interests and passions with your date. Sharing that you value loyalty or love hiking reveals what makes you, you. They will be more likely to connect with you and appreciate you for who you are if they can see the passionate and quirky side of you.
- Try revealing your fears. Similarly, you should strive to show the darker, more vulnerable parts of yourself if you want potential partners to get to know you properly. For example saying: “I worry I’ll be judged,” shows vulnerability and opens up the opportunity for deeper intimacy.
- Be a good listener. Just as they should be willing to listen to you, you should make an effort to be attentive to what your date has to say about themselves. If you do so, they will feel more comfortable around you and it will be easier for you to trust them.
- Love yourself first. You can’t expect to build a healthy relationship if you don’t value yourself. Practice self care and work on healing your past wounds before you commit to anybody else.
- Accept and validate your emotions. There’s no shame in feeling weak, jealous, or insecure. Healing is not an easy task, so make sure that you’re not too hard on yourself and accept the fact that getting better will take time.
- Learn to let the past go. Letting go of past trauma is a must if you want to create meaningful connections. Do what you can to make peace with the past and try to find ways to learn from your previous mistakes or misfortunes.
Is Dating Harder In Your 30s?
Dating in your thirties brings its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Here’s why dating in your thirties can be both a blessing and a curse:
You Know Exactly Who You Are
When you’re in your thirties, you are much more certain about who you are and what you’re looking for in your relationships. Revealing your true self is crucial in building authentic relationships. This sense of self-awareness and emotional safety comes from being authentic and dropping emotional walls. On one hand, this can make finding an ideal partner easier since you have a better chance of recognizing compatibility and potential in another person. On the other hand, however, you will be much less willing to change and compromise if things don’t go your way.
You Are More Serious About Dating
If you have your career and social life figured out, it’s hard to find the time to play games. When dating someone in your thirties, you want to be certain that the relationship is not wasting your time. This makes you more likely to let unpromising relationships go much faster than you would in your twenties.
You Have To Deal With Lots of Pressure
If you’re a woman in your thirties, you’ve probably heard the phrase “biological clock” ticking from friends or family. If you’re a man, people may have hinted that all the desirable women are already taken. These comments can pile on pressure, making dating feel like a race against time. But letting those voices drown out your own can keep you from being truly open in relationships.
Societal expectations often push us to hide our fears or rush into connections that don’t feel right. Yet, the point of meaningful dating lies in vulnerability—showing up as your authentic self, flaws and all. When you let your guard down, you invite trust and deeper intimacy, paving the way for partnerships that feel real and fulfilling.
Curious How You are Attaching in a Specific Relationship?
Your ability to let your guard down in a relationship often ties to your attachment style—how you connect emotionally with others. For example, an anxious attachment might make you fear rejection, keeping walls up, while an avoidant style could lead you to pull away when things get close. Understanding your style can unlock new ways to build trust and openness.
Take our quick Attachment Style Quiz to discover how you’re showing up in dating or relationships. It only takes a few minutes to reveal insights, like whether you lean secure, anxious, or avoidant, and get tips to feel more comfortable about being vulnerable.
Transform Your Relationships at Our Vulnerability Retreat
At PIVOT, we know opening up in dating can feel daunting, but it’s the key to building trust and lasting connections. Our expert coaches create a warm, safe space to guide you through every step—whether you’re sharing your fears or learning to show your true self, fostering personal growth in the process.
Join our intensive retreat at the Glass House, where you’ll practice vulnerability and gain confidence to form authentic relationships. Ready to let your guard down? Sign up today to start your journey to deeper, more meaningful dating experiences. Give us a call or fill out our contact form.