This post was updated on Nov 29, 2022
It can be hard to let go of the hurt and pain, and it can be difficult to trust someone again after the dissolution of a marriage. Feelings of not being good enough or that you don’t deserve to be happy can start to creep in. However, if you find someone new who loves you for who you are and is willing to help you heal your emotional wounds, know that trust can be hard, but with time and patience, it will come.
Getting a divorce is an emotional process, but moving on and settling down in a second marriage can be equally daunting. It’s normal to feel apprehensive about getting married again after a divorce. But just because your first marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean your second one won’t be successful. In fact, there are many things you can do to set yourself up for a happy and healthy second marriage.
What Should I Know Before My Second Marriage?
Remarriage can be a wonderful thing, but there are some things you may want to consider before stepping in. Keep this in mind as you’re contemplating getting married again:
You’re Not Starting From Scratch.
This may seem obvious, but it’s important to remember that you’re not starting your relationship from square one. You both have baggage – you from your previous marriage (and possibly other relationships) that you’ll need to deal with. They may also have their own baggage. Be honest with each other about what this baggage is and be prepared to work through it together.
Your Children Need Support.
If you have children from your first marriage, the transition affects them just as much. It can be difficult for kids to adjust to a new stepparent, and you’ll need to be sensitive to their needs. Getting your ex more involved in parenting decisions and trying to maintain a cordial relationship with them for the sake of your children is a step in the right direction.
Don’t Rush Into Things.
It’s important to take your time when getting remarried. Don’t feel pressured to rush into things just because you’re getting older or because your friends are all married. Make sure you’re really ready for this commitment and that you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Why Are Second Marriages Harder?
Each person has their own history and their own set of issues. Second marriages are more complex because of the baggage that comes with them. They also come with a lot of expectations, which can often be unrealistic, leading to a lot of conflict and tension. Second marriages often involve blended families, which can make things even more complicated. There are usually a lot of different dynamics at play, and finding a balance that works for everyone can be tricky.
What Are the Challenges of Being a Second Spouse?
Different last names, different family traditions, and different ways of doing things than your stepchildren’s other parents. These are just a few aspects that make being a second spouse difficult. You may feel like you are always playing catch up, trying to find your place in the family and to feel like you belong.
You may find yourself constantly compared to the other parent. This can be tough to deal with, especially if you feel like you are always coming up short. Even if you have been in your stepchildren’s lives for years, you may still feel like an outsider looking in. You may find it difficult to deal with because it can make you feel isolated and alone. This can be hurtful and frustrating, but it’s important to remember that your stepchildren do love you and appreciate all that you do for them.
What Are the Disadvantages of Remarriage?
Like most things in life, a remarriage isn’t always picture perfect. While there are many positives to remarriage, there are also some disadvantages. Here are a few things to consider before taking the plunge into remarriage:
There May Be Pressure to Make Things Perfect
You may feel like you have to make your remarriage perfect in order to prove that it can work. This pressure can be stressful and may put a strain on the new relationship.
You May Have Different Ideas About Parenting.
If you’re remarrying and have children from a previous relationship, you and your new spouse may have different parenting styles. This can be a source of conflict in the new marriage.
Finances Can Be Tricky.
You and your new spouse will need to combine your finances. This can be difficult, especially if one spouse has debt from a previous marriage. You’ll need to be honest with each other about your financial situation and work together to make a budget that works for both of you.
Not Enough Time For Your Friends.
When you’re married, you often spend more time with your spouse than your friends. If you’re remarried, you may find yourself spending even less time with your friends as you adjust to life with your new spouse.
Getting Married After a Divorce? PIVOT’s Relationship Coach Is Here to Help You Online
It’s normal to feel like your life is turned upside down and that everything is completely different. Walking away from a marriage can bring on unexpected anxiety about the future. A life-altering change is a normal occurrence that can lead to serious bouts of post-divorce depression.
You may be feeling a range of emotions, from anger and betrayal to sadness and relief. Some days, you may even experience all of these emotions at once. It can be tough to try and cope with everything, both emotionally and logistically. Even ending things amicably with your spouse can be a struggle as you may still have feelings for each other and find it hard to move on, causing serious attachment issues.
That’s why you should turn to PIVOT and our dedicated relationship advocates. Our team holds individual coaching sessions designed to help you transition to a new phase in your life. Furthermore, our Glass House recovery retreat can serve as your sanctuary where you can find your happiness and purpose in life. Lean on us as we help you to move on.