What If I Love My Partner More Than They Love Me?

When you and your partner first started dating, the feelings of infatuation and excitement were so intense that even the least perceptive onlookers could testify with absolute certainty that love was in the air. But now that the honeymoon phase is over and the thrill of the new is gone, you aren’t so confident about the future of your relationship or your partner’s feelings toward you. 

The fear could be so overwhelming that you cannot even bring yourself to communicate these doubts and voice your concerns to your partner. Discussing the intimacy problems in your relationship openly would mean having to validate their existence, and that is a challenge in and of itself.

Yet the question keeps preying on your mind: does your partner love you as much as you love them? In other words: do you love your partner more than they love you? And if so, what do you do about it?

What Is An Unequal Relationship?

How Do You Know Who Loves More In A Relationship

Deep down, you can’t shake off the uneasy feeling that you are trying too hard and that they are just not that into you. Every now and then, the thought that they might not care about you as much as you care about them runs through your mind. And what if someone new comes along and they realize the things between you are not working out? The thought that your partner might decide to break up with you fills your heart with dread. 

If you feel this way but cannot pluck up the courage to talk to your partner about it, you might  want to consider a codependency intensive or a related relationship course which you can attend in privacy and from the comfort of your home. 

But first things first: what is an unequal relationship and are you in one?

An unequal relationship is one in which one partner gives more than the other one. In other words, the relationship lacks balance and equality between partners. One partner’s thoughts, feelings and needs are more important than the other one’s. They are the so-called power member.

Unequal Relationship: The Red Flags

Many of us have made the mistake of pursuing romantic interests who are unavailable at one point or another. If and when this pursuit develops into a relationship, it may be an unequal one in which one partner is taking advantage of the other, while the other partner may or may not realize it.

But what are the red flags? Any signs that signal a power and control imbalance, such as if one partner:

  • calls all the shots
  • refuses to compromise
  • doesn’t consider the wants and needs of the other person
  • has the last word

Another common sign of an unequal relationship is if one partner is expected to pay for everything in order to earn the other partner’s affection.

As we grow older, we become more mature and more aware of our choices. What we may not realize is that we can easily fall into the trap of getting involved in an unequal relationship at any point in life. Is it the end of the world? No. Is an unequal relationship healthy? No. 

But is it worth staying in and can it be fixed? It depends, but it definitely takes a lot of work. You and your partner need to be willing to learn to communicate with each other and develop a mutual understanding so that you can both be free to be who you are and grow together.

How Do You Know Who Loves More In A Relationship?

Before listing the signs that may indicate you are giving your partner more than they are giving you, let us highlight the fact that not everyone shows affection in the same way. Each person is unique and so is the way they express their feelings. Some people may appear cold and distant because they have a different way of showing how they feel but does not mean that they love you any less than you love them.

Signs That You Are Giving More Than You Are Receiving

The following may indicate that you are in an unequal relationship and that you care more about your partner than they care about you:

  1. Imbalance in the way love is expressed

    From verbal expressions of love to expressions of physical intimacy, from kind gestures and tokens of appreciation to compliments, you may be giving more than you are receiving. More often than not, you may be completely unaware of the imbalance and lack of reciprocity. Worse yet, you may choose not to notice it.

  2. Making plans and decisions without you in mind

    While you would never reach a decision or make plans concerning the future without including your partner in the process, they hardly ever think to go to you for advice or remember to include you in their own plans and decisions.

  3. Lack of interest in your personal life

    If you truly love somebody, you want to know everything about them, including their fears, worries and secrets. However, if your partner does not show interest in your personal life, it could mean that they just don’t care about you as much as you’d like.

  4. Taking you and your devotion for granted

    If your partner feels that you love them more than they love you, they will find it easy to take your love for granted because they know that you will continue to love them no matter what.
    You put more effort into the relationship: you are always the active one in the relationship and the one who is making most of the effort. You get used to having your partner act in a passive way. 

  5. They seldom spend time with you

    While you try to work your schedule around your partner’s, they seldom think to involve you in their plans. They might prioritize spending quality time with their friends and family instead of spending time with you.

Before you know it, you end up in a vicious cycle, and you might not even notice the pattern. Since you always come up with excuses for their behavior, you give them more and more room to take you for granted.

Is It True That In A Relationship One Person Loves More Than The Other?

The answer is simple and straightforward: not in a healthy relationship.

In romance, like in all other aspects of life, finding balance is a challenge. But it is not impossible. A meaningful relationship that is based on lasting, healthy love is a relationship where both partners love each other profoundly and never take each other for granted. We all deserve a relationship just like that, a relationship in which we feel safe, seen, and heard, not one in which we have to settle for anything less.

Is It OK To Love Someone More Than They Love You?

It can be hurtful and confusing to come to the realization that a person we love might not love us as much. Think long and hard whether this is something you can live with and consult a professional if you are not comfortable talking it over with your partner. 

What matters is that you fully understand that things might never change. At some point, you may become overwhelmed with negative feelings, frustrations and unfulfillment, insecurity and resentment as a result of the imbalance. Do not ignore your gut instinct and your emotions, because they will not go away and may only get worse with time.

Accepting that you love your partner more than they love you may cause you to lose your self-worth and may even lead to depression. You deserve better and more, someone to give you emotional support and stay by your side no matter what.

Where To Go From Here? Let Us Shed Light On That.

Is It OK To Love Someone More Than They Love You

If you are uncertain about the future of your relationship and need an unbiased professional with experience in emotional intimacy coaching to talk to on a deep and meaningful level, our individual coaching online sessions may be just what you need. On the other hand, if you and your partner are willing to work on your relationship and make it work, we also have online intensive workshops designed specifically for couples. Through our series of carefully planned-out online relationship courses, we can help you find a way to a more fulfilling life and a more fulfilling romance.