Arguments In A Relationship: Are They Normal & How To Cope With Them

Short answer: occasional arguments are a normal, even healthy, part of a relationship. Fighting every day (or feeling drained, exhausted, or physically unwell during and after arguments) is a sign of an unresolved underlying pattern, not just a rough patch. Below we cover why arguing wears you out, how to keep disagreements respectful, and what to do when you are tired of fighting.

Even stable relationships have their ups and downs. It’s quite normal to exchange different opinions and disagree with your partner on certain issues. However, when does this become a problem? When disagreements become more and more frequent and normal exchanges turn into heated arguments or fights. When fights become so common that you celebrate the times when there aren’t any. This can be a sign that you and your partner may need to take a step back and assess the situation.

While relationships differ, fighting on a daily basis can become mentally, physically, and emotionally draining and you probably want the fighting to stop. You may want to consider joining a couple relationship management retreat and seeking support from expert coaches. Learning more about why you do what you do - individually and together can be the first step toward positive change. 

Is It Normal To Fight Every Day In A Relationship?

Experiencing disagreements, arguments, and even fights with your partner is a normal part of being in a relationship. In fact, having a peaceful argument with your partner can be beneficial to your wellbeing, as well as improve the quality of your relationship. 

However, what happens if you the fights become so frequent they’re almost daily? When they become so heated you end up feeling tired and drained afterward? It might be a good idea to try and resolve the underlying issues that are instigating arguments in the first place.

Also, there is no reason to allow your arguments to become disrespectful and end up hurting both of you without actually reaching a conclusion. And yes, there are several ways to keep your arguments respectful and less draining:

• Try not to allow your emotions to influence the things you say.
• Attempt to speak in “I” phrases rather than “you” phrases.
• Do your best to avoid assaulting your partner’s character.
• Focus on the issue at hand as much as you can.
• Try to point out the problems without disrespecting your partner.
• Do what you can to avoid threats of leaving.
• Refrain from resorting to emotional or physical abuse.

Why Do I Get Tired When I Argue?

You get tired when you argue because conflict triggers your body’s stress response: muscle tension and heightened nervous-system arousal that leave you physically drained once the fight ends.

Feeling exhausted after being in a fight with your partner is only one of the many disadvantages of experiencing constant disagreements and arguments. The main reason behind your exhaustion is the innate stress fighting brings. 

Stress caused by fighting also leads to increased muscle tension and heightened arousal of your sympathetic nervous system; as the American Psychological Association notes, muscle tension is almost a reflex reaction to stress. When all this combines, you can end up feeling tired. You may also experience headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and aches and pains in your muscles.

Constant and prolonged fighting can take a serious toll on you and your partner’s bodies, leading to actual physical sickness. Chronic stress can compromise your immune system: a meta-analysis of 30 years of research found that long-term stressors are associated with suppression of the immune system, which can affect your body’s ability to stay healthy and ward off illness. 

Why Do You Suddenly Feel Extremely Tired During an Argument?

You suddenly feel extremely tired in the middle of an argument because your body can become overwhelmed by the conflict, a reaction often called emotional flooding. As the tension builds, the stress of the moment can peak and then leave you wanting to pull back, arriving as a sudden wave of exhaustion or the urge to withdraw and shut down mid-sentence.

When flooding hits, the most helpful move is to pause rather than push through. Call a short time-out, agree on a time to come back, and use those minutes to slow your breathing and settle your body before you continue. Returning once you both feel calmer can help keep the conversation more respectful and less draining. If your arguments regularly leave you this overwhelmed, it can help to look honestly at how much conflict is too much for your relationship.

What To Do When You Are Tired Of Fighting?

When you are tired of fighting, the goal is to break the cycle rather than win the next argument: listen without preparing your defense, get curious about what is really upsetting your partner, and pinpoint the underlying reasons behind the fights.

You can actually stop the vicious cycle of constant argument with your partner in a peaceful way. Preventing constant fights from arising could be a crucial step toward you and your partner finding relationship happiness and satisfaction. It can be worth trying to stop them from happening. Here’s what you can try to do:

• Calmly discuss your problems and individual dissatisfactions.
• Spend time listening to your partner without preparing your defense.  
• Get Curious as to why your partner is upset.
• Pinpoint the underlying reasons behind your arguments.
• Take the time to reflect on the new discoveries before discussing them again.
• Switch to a more positive approach and remember the reasons why you’re in a relationship with your partner. 
• Try to make some relationship changes together with your partner.
• Consider giving therapy a try. 

How Do You Cope After An Argument?

You cope after an argument by taking time to cool off first, then reconnecting: acknowledging your partner’s perspective, owning your part instead of assigning blame, and returning to the root issue rather than rehashing the fight.

Silence, anger, grudges. All this remains if you and your partner don’t know how to cope with your arguments. It takes two to tango and dealing with the aftermath of a fight is essential for ensuring both you and your partner’s points of view were heard and acknowledged. Yes, it may be difficult to make the first step. Say the first “I’m sorry”. Acknowledge your own mistakes. Then, where to start?

• Take some time to cool off.
• When you feel it’s right, extend an additional olive branch besides the already spoken “I’m Sorry”..
• Take the time to listen to your partner’s perspective, and expect the same.
• Try to acknowledge your partner’s point of view, and share your own.
• It is good to attempt not to share blame.
• Try discussing the root issue, not details from the fight itself. 
• Work together with your partner to find a solution and a resolution.

FAQ: Arguments in a Relationship

PIVOT Designs Healthy Relationship Retreat Activities That Can Help With Your Arguments

Experiencing arguments and fights in a relationship is difficult. Even sporadic fights can be an emotionally and physically tasking experience that can leave you feeling completely drained once it’s over. The worst thing about relationship arguments is they can occur for a variety of reasons and it can be difficult for you to pinpoint exactly why they’re happening. 

Perhaps you or your partner have experienced relationship betrayal, causing you to be on edge, or one or both of you are high-conflict individuals looking to pick a fight. Sometimes, it may be because both partners are experiencing dissatisfaction within the relationship, and they are simply not able to better communicate their feelings and desires. 

Determining the cause behind the arguments is an important step in resolving the conflicts. That is what experienced relationship advocates at PIVOT can help you with. We have created both individual retreats for couple relationship management, as well as group relationship emotional coaching sessions meant to help resolve the problems between you and your partner. Call us today and seek the support you need.