This post was updated on Nov 28, 2022
Jealousy and love go hand in hand. At least that’s what we’ve been led to believe. Unfortunately, the causes of jealousy have little to do with love and more to do with insecure attachments we create in our childhoods.
If you are struggling with jealous behaviors in your relationship, you should start with uncovering the core reason for your jealousy. One of the ways to go about building trust in a relationship is to attend an intensive workshop for couples. This is a great way to better understand your behavioral patterns, whether you’re experiencing problems with low self esteem or have a tendency to lie to yourself about the relationship.
In this article, you will learn what typically causes jealousy and how you can overcome your insecurities that lead to being jealous. Read on.
What Is The Root Cause Of Jealousy?
Jealousy is an emotional response to being afraid of losing someone or something we consider ours. It is typically accompanied by feelings of exclusion and abandonment. But why are some of us more prone to jealousy than others? What causes jealousy in the first place?
Just like with many other behavioral patterns, such as being dishonest in relationships or experiencing codependent and/or controlling behavior, jealousy stems from our early childhood and the attachment we create with our parents or primary caregivers. If your need for affection is not met during your childhood, you can develop a deep insecurity which gives rise to jealousy and influences all of your adult relationships.
Jealousy is also closely intertwined with abandonment issues. A child whose emotional needs are not met is likely to develop obsessive and jealous behavioral traits, mimicking the dynamics they experienced in childhood in their adult relationships.
Is Jealousy A Sign Of Love Or Insecurity?
Although many seem to think that jealousy is a sign of love, it is insecurity that is the key factor behind jealous behaviors. While a little bit of jealousy is perfectly normal in some relationships, it can cause a great deal of harm unless it’s kept under control. Here are some insecure traits that may cause jealousy in your relationship:
- Low self esteem
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Anxious attachment
If you or your partner are exhibiting jealous behaviors, you should always keep in mind that jealousy is all about the person experiencing it. That is why understanding the core wounds and insecurities and expressing them openly is essential for creating meaningful and stable relationships.
Is Jealousy A Symptom Of Anxiety?
Just like with many other areas in your life, anxiety can have a detrimental effect on your romantic relationships. In fact, anxiety, particularly its paranoid aspects, can be closely linked to jealousy.
If you are dealing with anxiety, it is very likely that you are prone to overthinking. You think and worry about the past, present, and future constantly. These negative thoughts can cause a wide range of issues in your relationships, including:
- Worst-case scenarios
Anxiety can lead you to imagine all of the worst ways your relationship can go. Even if you and your partner are getting along great, you may imagine that they are cheating or planning to break up with you.
- Fear of abandonment
Similarly, your anxious thoughts can convince you that your partner will leave you because of your anxiety or because they found somebody else who is better than you.
- Feeling that you’re not good enough
you may be jealous because you feel deep down that you’re not worthy or lovable. Low self esteem is one of the primary causes of jealousy and its results can often be exacerbated in anxious individuals.
How Do I Stop Being Jealous And Insecure?
Although jealousy may be deeply rooted, it can be overcome, if not entirely eradicated. Here’s how you can deal with jealous behaviors in your relationship:
Suppressing angry or otherwise unpleasant feelings is rarely the way to go. Make sure to express your jealousy openly and calmly to your partner, enabling them to see why you feel the way you do. Being open about the less pleasant aspects of relationships such as jealousy is key to creating stable and harmonious connections.
As we’ve already mentioned, anxiety and stress are closely linked to jealousy. This is why meditation, good diet, and physical exercise can help keep your stress levels low and prevent jealous outbursts. Make sure to give yourself time to wind down on a regular basis.
Of course, constantly asking your partner if they love you is not the best way to overcome your jealousy. Nevertheless, you should be honest with your partner as well as try to understand their perspective. If they are willing to understand you, they may be able to reassure you to some extent and make you feel more secure.
Focus On Yourself
Picking up a hobby and spending time with friends can help you divert your attention from your partner and curb your jealousy in the process. Make sure to set enough time aside to do the things that interest you and don’t require the presence of your partner.
Remind Yourself Of Your Worth
Jealousy doesn’t make you a bad person – far from it. In order to overcome your jealous traits, you need to understand why you are the way you are. You can do this by uncovering and analyzing your core emotional wound and realizing that you are much more than just your anxiety and jealousy.
Reach Out to Experts
If you can’t get your jealous behaviours under control, your relationship is bound to suffer. Luckily, you can rely on experienced relationship coaches to help you overcome jealousy and create healthier emotional attachments.
PIVOT Couple Workshop: Your Best Choice For Deepening A Relationship
Overcoming jealousy is necessary for creating harmonious relationships. At PIVOT, we strive to provide individuals and couples with knowledge and support that will enable them to understand their emotional attachments and curb jealous behaviors.
Whether you choose to find support in our intensive couple workshops or try to deal with your jealousy through our knowledge-based individual coaching sessions, rest assured that our PIVOT Advocates will help you find peace and balance in your emotional life. Contact us today!