PIVOTWorks July 2025

Four Legged Family Members

Many of our clients, including me, are big animal lovers and have pets. Some of us even have pets that serve as Inners! If you’ve ever lost a pet, you know how excruciatingly painful the experience can be. Many animals become true members of our family, and losing them leaves a lasting void. This month, our Director of Client Services, Kayla, lost one of her beloved family members - her dog Presley. Watching her go through the loss brought back memories of my sweet Lacey Mae. Kayla asked if she could share some memories and lessons from her experience in Presley’s honor, and it was an easy yes. There is something here for all of us - even those without pets or who have painbody wounds around animals! Hand on Heart ❤️LJ

Goodbye to an Inner

I met Presley when I was 3 months into chemo. The plan was just to keep her for one night of “puppy therapy.” I was bald, had lost all of my fingernails, toenails, and almost everything else familiar in my life, but she didn’t mind. She was so small, removed from her mom too early, and spent the night sleeping against my neck to hear my heartbeat. In the darkest of times, my world got a little lighter, and she stayed with me for the rest of her life.

I survived cancer, and she survived parvo. Together, we fell in love with the man I would soon marry. We moved across the country together, and she helped us raise our daughter. Through every moment and on every trip, Presley was by our side. Losing her is something I could never have prepared for or anticipated the impact of. As we continue to get familiar with this new presence in our lives, grief, we try to honor her for all of the good she gave us. I continue to reflect on the years we had together and all that I have gained from our time.

5 Healthy Adult Lessons I Learned From Presley

1. Have your voice. Presley was a vocal dog and never hesitated to use her voice. Her wants and needs were always made clear. Her boundaries, too. Sometimes, I lose my voice. My Healthy Adult can embody her vocal spirit, as I use my words in specific, kind, and helpful ways.
2. Take up the space you need. Historically, I’ve tried to make myself small and take up minimal space to be more convenient to others. Presley NEVER did that. If she beat us to the bed, it was “good luck” getting the space and blankets you wanted. It was common for us to wake up with her head on a pillow. She always made sure she was comfortable and had the space she wanted. This world created a space for us to fill when we came into it. I can learn from her and use my Healthy Adult to ask for and use the space and things I need.
3. It’s ok to be picky. We had two dogs. One of them eats whatever you put in his bowl. Presley, on the other hand, would carefully pick out items from her bowl and put them on the floor, eating only what she liked. If she needed a pill, well, let’s just say it was a whole process that involved a lot of carefully wrapped meats. We’re not going to like everything and everyone that we encounter in this life, and that has to be ok. And while it’s good to try things, it’s completely acceptable and even healthy to be picky, too. 
4. Choose kindness. My human tendencies failed Presley many times. I have always been, and will continue to be, imperfect. Presley never held that against me. And because I was never abusive or cruel, just imperfect, she always chose love and kindness. She never held a grudge or gave me the silent treatment, and instead, I was always met with her smile, a wagging tail, and all of the kisses I could handle. I have a lot of people in my life who fall short of perfection constantly - as they should. My Healthy Adult can show them kindness through my actions.
5. Relationships are the most important thing we have in life. My husband told me that this has been his biggest lesson from her death. Nothing matters more than the relationships we have, the one we have with ourselves being the most sacred of them all. May we all commit to doing the work necessary to heal and grow, so that we can connect securely with ourselves and others. This is how we can make the most change and leave a positive impact on our world.

One of the biggest takeaways from Presley’s death is how incredibly grateful I am to be grounded in my Healthy Adult. Sometimes life hits us in ways that leave us feeling like there is nothing steady left to hold onto. Losing someone you love can feel like it’s impossible to move on - and yet, if you can find and grip onto your Healthy Adult, you will. The pain will come like a tidal wave, and you won’t get washed away with it. You’ll feel the tremendous weight of it all, and you’ll be able to hold it. My Healthy Adult self has kept me safe through the lows we have dipped into leading up to her death and after. My Healthy Adult self understands that the feelings I’ve felt are appropriate for the event and a result of a love so big. I know that even though I cannot imagine living without her, I will. And the biggest transformation my Healthy Adult has given me is the ability to tolerate the pain, without escalating it like I might have previously done. While I carry the hole of her absence, I carry the appreciation for my Healthy Adult. 

Knowing you cannot always control what life brings, know this: your Healthy Adult self can help keep you safe and grounded, and for many of us, that is everything. So while the home I live in looks and sounds different now, the home I have within myself is as secure as ever. 

Thanks for letting me share my gal and her sweet spirit with you.